HomeTag Johnny Klister


A FasterSkier investigation has revealed that Johnny Klister, the former internet cross-country ski publishing sensation, has fled his former life and is now living off-the-grid in Fairbanks, Alaska. "Trying to keep up with the output of Noah Hoffman's blog was impossible," Klister says. "I was drinking 12 cups of coffee a day, pounding a dozen gels, and huffing xenon gas before bed to keep from losing my edge."

img src="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l4nnzlLx4I1qzt3xbo1_500.jpg"/br/br/pUmmm, yeah, Fasterskier?   Why are you reporting results with a guy named strongPetter Skin City/strong in the sprint mix?  Is it because there is actually a guy named Skin City?  a href="http://skincity.beyondunreal.com/"Or are Nordic skiers getting really ridiculously into video games?/a  Sigh. (viaJS)/p

object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" height="300" data="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=12832339server=vimeo.comfullscreen=1show_title=1show_byline=0show_portrait=0color=00ADEF"param name="quality" value="best" /param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /param name="scale" value="showAll" /param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=12832339server=vimeo.comfullscreen=1show_title=1show_byline=0show_portrait=0color=00ADEF" /embed src="http://www.vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=12832339server=www.vimeo.comshow_title=1show_byline=0show_portrait=0color=00ADEFfullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="300"/embed/objectbr/br/pLate night outings. (What did you do at 11pm last night?) (viaMattizle)/p

object width="400" height="326"param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ij-1gHRZA-grel=0egm=0showinfo=0fs=1"/paramparam name="wmode" value="transparent"/paramparam name="allowFullScreen" value="true"/paramembed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ij-1gHRZA-grel=0egm=0showinfo=0fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" height="326" allowFullScreen="true" wmode="transparent"/embed/objectbr/br/pTwerking + Nordic.  (Explicit lyrics)  (viaMattDizzle)/p

pemJKnote: the letter was received along with four (4) phone interminable phone calls at 1:00AM Austrian time./em/p pKind Sirs,br/ I  am prefacing this with the fact that I am 1,4l into the haufbrauhaus and my forearms are heavy with exhaustion from squeezing skis.br/br/ We the people feel that the quality of recent posts on johnnyklister have failed to live up to the standard to which we have become accustomed. Specifically, our concerns encompass the prevalence of the so-called “bicycle” and other irrelevant concerns on what should be an incisive ski-focused media outlet.  Therefore, we strongly urge you to immediately take the following remedial action:br/ ein: the discussion of irrelevant, non-Nordic, stupid, or annoying topics will cease immediately.br/ ein comma fumpf: it should be duly noted that inane, asinine, bogus and otherwise offensive material as long as it is directly related to the avocation of cross country ski RACING is strongly encouraged.br/ Svei:we cannot produce point two at this time.br/ Drei: fakefastskier should be returned to service immediately and without delay.br/ Drei comma fumpf: through extensive research we have obtained technology relevant to fakefasterskier and Willing to share said technology.br/ Fier: if suitable content is unavailable, do NOT refer to random occurences such as neo Nazis with a proclivity for large women who have heroin tracks on their arms who you meet on a train.br/ Fumpf: there is no fumph.br/br/ We the people reiterate that these truths are self-evident and cannot repudiated.  JohNnyklister is the best thing to happen to cross country skiing in the last decade and we fully support the snotty, elitist and sarcastic epithets strewn forth. we challenge you kind sirs to hold yourself to the high standard you have set.  We challenge you to post this statement as an example of the pathetic drivel that will no longer sully the Johnny brand.br/br/ Johnny is not afraid.  Johnny will remain silent when there is nothing to be said.  Johnny will crush when you make a mistake in public.  Johnny will call you out and laugh at your stupidity.  Johnny is skiing and Johnny knows who has been bad and who has been good.br/br/ kindest regards,br/br/ Your faithful readership/p p(names withheld since you already know who this is)/p

object width="400" height="336"param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Q6Al37OUJ2Erel=0egm=0showinfo=0fs=1"/paramparam name="wmode" value="transparent"/paramparam name="allowFullScreen" value="true"/paramembed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Q6Al37OUJ2Erel=0egm=0showinfo=0fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" height="336" allowFullScreen="true" wmode="transparent"/embed/objectbr/br/pEven not fit guys win occasionally. (viaPJ)/p

object width="400" height="326"param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/6Hk-ru57A-crel=0egm=0showinfo=0fs=1"/paramparam name="wmode" value="transparent"/paramparam name="allowFullScreen" value="true"/paramembed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/6Hk-ru57A-crel=0egm=0showinfo=0fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" height="326" allowFullScreen="true" wmode="transparent"/embed/objectbr/br/pBecause a skier could multi-task better and not end up where things are dark and smelly./p

object classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/sflash.cab#version=9,0,0,0" width="400" height="263" id="embed" align="middle" param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /param name="movie" value="http://wbads.vo.llnwd.net/o25/u/telepixtv/extratv/us/video/player/embed.swf" /param name="flashVars" value="mediaKey=ac383cc5-98ab-4f55-8e73-4b7119b0c4f5image=http://wbads.vo.llnwd.net/o25/u/telepixtv/extratv/us/video/2010-06/08/060810_snakefinal_still.jpgorigin=embed" /param name="quality" value="high" /param name="bgcolor" value="#ffffff" /embed src="http://wbads.vo.llnwd.net/o25/u/telepixtv/extratv/us/video/player/embed.swf" flashvars="mediaKey=ac383cc5-98ab-4f55-8e73-4b7119b0c4f5image=http://wbads.vo.llnwd.net/o25/u/telepixtv/extratv/us/video/2010-06/08/060810_snakefinal_still.jpgorigin=embed" width="400" height="263" name="embed" align="middle" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"/embed/objectbr/br/pBecause a skier would get all ninja time on that snake./p