Cambridge Sports Union Announces Historic Project

The Cambridge Sports Union announced yesterday that they and the Weston Ski Track were embarking one of the most ambitious projects in cross-country skiing history.

“Up until now we’ve been resting a bit on our laurels for our use of technology and sustainable resources,” stated Rob Bradlee, coach of the CSU Junior program. “Snow-making using Charles Water river is on the forefront of green technology.”

But Bradlee and other unnamed CSU sources admitted that for years their club’s training and racing venue has been stymied by geography. In a word, Weston is flat. CSU brags of “Mt. Weston” and has successfully persuaded NENSA photographers to use photo angles to maximize the appearance of vertical on their one “hill,” but this humor has a hollow ring to it. There is no getting around the truth of numbers — Weston will never be able to meet FIS homologation standards.

But Bradlee and unnamed CSU comrades realized there really is a way to make mountains out of molehills. This summer CSU plans to launch phase one of the most ambitious excavation project any ski area has tackled. The plan calls for two sites (north end and south end) at Weston to be excavated to a depth of more than five hundred feet, the fill to be used to augment the original Mt. Weston, though it will remain a mere knoll on the elevation map compared to the planned climbs and exciting descents to the north and the south. Finally, the problem of homologation at Weston has been solved!

Phase two, which should be completed by summer 2015, is a ski tunnel linking the two deep excavation areas (to be known as Thundering Depth and Calamitous Descent). With the tunnel, Weston will become the mecca of summer cross-country skiing, claims Bradlee, and user fees should pay for the project within twenty years.

Bradlee refuted the rumor that the company CSU has hired has any affiliation with the company still in legal battles following the project known as The Big Dig. Bob Haydock, when contacted about this story, refused to comment. The CSU website, closed to public access, has no comment either.

“We’re looking at unparalleled opportunities for sponsorship!” Bradlee exclaimed. “Our long range plans include hosting U.S. Nationals, a World Cup race in six or eight years, and, not to give anything away, but don’t discount the city of Boston as a serious contender for Winter Olympic bids in say 2022 or 2026.”