OpinionProduct NewsGet ready for the new race season: Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

FasterSkierSeptember 8, 2006

Editor's Note: This is a reprint of one of our most popular articles last fall. We want our new FasterSkier.com readers to be as prepared as our old ones for those less-than-stellar race days. As you prepare for the new season, you should brush up on your excuses as well. Not that you'll ever need them, of course….

“I need to re-string my racquet, “I was tired from football practice”, “I couldn’t concentrate”, I’m new to altitude”. ‘I must be dehydrated”…

– Our 13-year old daughter gave me the idea to compile a list over bad excuses for poor race results in cross country skiing. She is involved in the local tennis program and I frequently hear about the boy’s excuses when she beats them. I started to think that this sounded very familiar to what I have heard over the years as a coach and competitor in cross country skiing as well. I might even have used some of these excuses myself!

So the idea occurred to me: Wouldn't it be easier to prepare for the season by compiling a list of ready-made excuses, rather than training?

It’s a lot simpler to prepare for the season this way as opposed to drag yourself off the couch for daily rollerski or running sessions. Distance training is one thing, but intervals — Ouch! And what about the idea of getting your terrible eating habits under control? Don’t you hate the idea of less beer, cookies and ice cream in order to lose some body fat and get fit?

So skiers from around the World “help us help you” by contributing to the very first list of excuses. Add your own excuses at the bottom of the article.

Imagine how nice and relaxing it will be this winter when you have hundreds of good excuses figured out before you go to the starting line. You can always count on FasterSkier.com!

– I ran out of EPO and couldn’t get new supplies of steroids in time.
– No one at the health club wanted to help me blood-dope
– I was sick for the longest time.
Choose from: diarrhea, pinkeye, gonorrhea, twar, mono, cold, flue, lepers, bird-flue, cholera, syphilitics, and malaria
– I’m overtrained and undersexed
– My spouse is a nymphomaniac and keeps me up all night
– My heart stopped and I had to kick start it with my fist/give myself CPR

– I can beat everyone on Wednesday’s but I’m always tired on the weekends (no kidding)
– My brain shuts off when I put the bib on (The truth is that: half your brain shuts off during warm-up and the other half shuts off when you are on the starting line)
– Mental training alone didn’t pay off as I had hoped

– I warmed up too long and got dehydrated
– I didn’t warm up long enough and was cold when I started
– I warmed up too hard and carried too much lactate from the start (proves that you know something)
– I didn’t warm up hard enough and felt that the start pace was too hard
– I forgot to replace all the fluid I lost during the warm-up and was dehydrated
– Warm-up is over-rated so I sat in my warm car until 2 minutes to start
– It was too hot to warm-up

– My shoes gave me blisters
– I overdressed and therefore got dehydrated
– I didn’t dress warm enough and got hypothermia
– I got frostbite
– I tied my shoelaces too tight
– My ski suit shrunk over the summer
– I sprained my big toe (true according to Gordon Lange)
– I froze my xxxxxx off

Add your own below!

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