How Cold Was It?

FasterSkierJanuary 19, 2007

Ahh mein kinder it is truly cold out and nordic has recently returned from frozen lands north, so
gather round the hot stove as we make our gluvine & nordic regales you with another story from the “nordic dave adventures series”.

Nordic traveled to Donnelly, Idaho this weekend and was impressed to watch his temp reading on the uber wagon plummet Friday morning to minus -27 below zero up on the Kamas Prarie Plateau.
Nordic fully coffee'd up hours before looked around at the fog, hoar frost and the Alpin glow of pink mountains at dawn and pulled over to relieve himself and survey a scene of total silence and intense cold. Impressive was his thought as he surveyed the vast wilderness expanse, nothing moving, survival to any living creature borrowed somewhere just hoping to live until the next day.

A day in Boise for business and nordic was off headin' up the North Payette river canyon, an incredibly pretty narrow two lane highway up one of North America's premier kayaking spots yet it was a frozen river with massive boulder fields covered in snow. Arriving in the little town of Cascade the wind came up to add insult to the matter as the sun had just set behind a beautifully wild alpine ridgeline and temps once again were plummeting after a daytime high of 15f. Checking into the hotel, the local newspaper headline read “wolves are illegal aliens trespassing on our lands” . Go figure, an attempt to discuss this logic with the inn keeper only reminded nordic that he is in North Country and best keep his “liberal ass” thoughts to himself.

Race day dawned a chipper -23f below zero as nordic glanced out his hotel window at the steam rising from the river and meadows and wafting through the forrest. Nordic whimpered at the thought of racing a 30k race later that morning with all kinds of good competition. The 2007 Tamarack Loppet is a distinctive new race that hasn't yet attracted the masses yet nordic was wondering if he could make the top 20 finishers as the field had been stacked for this race on a beautiful and technically challenging course. As we waited until nearly noon and a balmy, sunny -8f
, nordic had decided a top 15 place would a nice effort as he surveyed the racers uhh “warming up”. Nordic being nordic was not cold or nervous at the start and pushed off with the lead group staring at 20 racers skiing ahead of him. Nordic had predetermined that elan & panache were definately on order for the day as he knew the course had a wicked 5k climb that we did twice
during the race. First lap, nordic was revving hard yet soo many skiers were ahead of him. Nordic wondered as he finished his first long climb at the end of the first lap how much more these skiers ahead could endure this suffer fest as we descended down the shady dark side of the mtn. Sure enough nordic skated freely on the rolling terrain during his second lap holding his pace as the pretenders chasing the lead group came drifting back into sight. Nordic wondered how many he could catch before the 5k suffer fest climb and race defining moment would unfold on the final climb up the mountain. Sure enough his old familiar racing buddies and nordic were now together and the race up the long climb was at hand. Nordic let a skier lead out using elan until the skier tired then using panache, nordic put on as big a surge as he could to distance himself from the group. Working as hard as possible climbing straining to the top eliminating all negative thoughts it was the defining moment or so nordic thought as he gapped the group by 50 to 100 meters. As nordic descended the mountain, resting on his laurels before the race was over, nordic could see a skier descending upon him like a hawk, it was his old buddy from the previous race, Don Pollari closing in for the kill. Don had revenge in mind as nordic had used and abused Don in a previous race and it was time for payback. Don stuck on nordic tight waiting, sure enough with 100 meters from the finish a short steep hill is to be negotiated as Don goes to jump nordic from behind. Nothing doing as we both furiously churn up the hill willing the other to break first. A sharp right turn and Don is on the outside as nordic switches gears as leaves his buddy behind by one second at the finish. Funny how you have to travel 500 hundred miles just to once again race your buddy from Salt Lake. Nordic finishes 12th overall and is satified with the result.

Just then nordic notices the 24 year old overall winner, Josh Smullin, come into the warming area holding his manhood with both hands painfully in shock of his thawing member. Uhhh, you ok Josh? , nordic asks, nooo he replies as he drops to the floor oblivious to anyone watching with concern. Nordic decides to regale the youngster about the time that happened to nordic in one race and nordic shed and peeled his skin for weeks on end in that area of his manhood. The young man looks back at nordic in horror as to his impending weeks wondering if his prized unit may fall off from frostbite at the tender age of 24……….

Meanwhile back out on the race course Die LG has placed first overall for the women after threatening not to race at all. Smiles and ego swelling, she thinks, bring on those Euro's next month in Germany, she's ready to ski and talk smack (as she is prone to do) with the best of them!
Atta gurl LG! The LG was wonderfully coached by the masterful nordic in using his same race strategy to great success!

Miles and 5 hours later, we pull into Sun Valley, Idaho an intermittent stop on the way home. A street carnival is going on at -10f at the night as nordic watches getrunken kinder get too close to the bon fires in their downjackets, not a pretty sight.

Sunday morning dawns another inspiring -15f as nordic muddles through some sort of “recovery” ski from the day before only noticing that it's a perfect way to slow down and freeze to death before anyone bothers to go out onto the trail and find one dumb nordic skier frozen in mid skate. How cold was nordic you ask, cold enough to have hoar frost clinging to him like barnacles stuck to the hull of a ship that has sunken for 200 years. Nordic, sunken eyes, decides to crank the seat warmers in der uber wagon to 6, strip naked and head south where a nice mid day beer and a hot shower can brighten cheer his day.

Stay tuned for these and other exciting adventures from the “nordic dave adventure series”


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