piAs Junior Nationals Approach, it’s time to look back at the “Rules for Junior Nationals” from the (sadly) retired Fake Fasterskier. bEmail single rules for this year’s Presque Isle incarnation to johnnyklister@gmail.com/b/i/p
pspan class="status-body"span class="entry-content"5. When your kid blames the alt., or the kick, or the soft snow, or their dry-hump bruises for why they skied like an ass-hat, refer to 4./span span class="meta entry-meta" data="{}"a href="http://twitter.com/FakeFasterSkier/status/1284395714"span class="published timestamp" data="{time:'Thu Mar 05 18:02:24 +0000 2009'}" /span/aspan/span/span/spana id="status_star_1284382692" title="favorite this tweet" /aspan class="status-body"span class="entry-content"/span/span/p
pspan class="status-body"span class="entry-content"4. These are the most important races of your kids life. If they suck, they should just pack it in. They’ll never be a skiing success a title="#fail" href="http://twitter.com/search?q=%23fail"#fail/a/span span class="meta entry-meta" data="{}"a href="http://twitter.com/FakeFasterSkier/status/1284382692"span class="published timestamp" data="{time:'Thu Mar 05 17:59:35 +0000 2009'}"/span/aspan/span/span/spanspan class="actions"/span/p
pspan class="actions"/spanspan class="entry-content"3. Some kid, from a state you didn’t even know had snow, is going to stomp on the hopes of your darling little Alaska Winter Star./span a href="http://twitter.com/FakeFasterSkier/status/1284373580" span class="published timestamp" data="{time:'Thu Mar 05 17:57:32 +0000 2009'}"11:57 AM Mar 5th, 2009/span /a via webspan class="entry-content"/span/p
pspan class="entry-content"2a. You know that $ you gave your kid to buy an ugly-ass JO’s sweatshirt? Yeah. The Stratton kids are gonna fµ¢k¡πg take it. (See previous.)/span a href="http://twitter.com/FakeFasterSkier/status/1284370790" span class="published timestamp" data="{time:'Thu Mar 05 17:56:55 +0000 2009'}"11:56 AM Mar 5th, 200/span/aspan class="entry-content"/span/p
pspan class="entry-content"2. The amount of time your kid spends learning to gamble will exceed the amount of time they actually spend skiing./span a href="http://twitter.com/FakeFasterSkier/status/1284366538" span class="published timestamp" data="{time:'Thu Mar 05 17:55:56 +0000 2009'}"11:55 AM Mar 5th, 2009/span /a via webspan class="status-body"span class="entry-content"/span/span/p
pspan class="status-body"span class="entry-content"1. At the banquet, your precious J2 is going to learn all about the term “dry humping”. a title="#lost" href="http://twitter.com/search?q=%23lost"#lost/a-innocence/span/span/p