Top 10 Things Not to Miss on Your Trip to Alaska (compiled by a consortium of Alaska dwellers)

Johnny KlisterDecember 16, 2009

pbr/ #10   Welcome to Alaska. You just spent between four and eight hours on planes to get here.  By the way, your rental car doesn’t have studs and we don’t bother to plow, sand, or salt the roads here. Have fun with that.  You love it here already, we can tell.br/br/ #9   Gwenie’s Old Alaska Restaurant: If you want a massive breakfast for cheap (well, cheap for Anchorage), go here.  Only 1 in 10 people will end up with food poisoning, so it’s well worth the risk.br/br/ #8   Kincaid moose: When you stop to gawk at the moose on the trails, be sure to step off to the side. When they trample someone in the middle of the trail it tends to really mess up the tracks.br/br/ #7   Spenard Road: Like Amsterdam’s red light district, but classier.br/br/ #6   Municipality of Anchorage Grooming Crew:  Arguably the most advanced grooming team in the country.  New and innovative techniques include tilling to a depth of 12” in only 7” of snow.  The groomers here are rumored to have a secret contract deal with BNS.br/br/ #5   Alaska Mountaineering and Hiking (AMH): When you decide you want that 4th pair of windbriefs afterall, AMH will be there, just waiting to charge you three times what they are worth.br/br/ #4   The men’s bathroom at the Great Alaskan Bush Company: Famed Ski Comedian Cindy Pierce claims they have the nicest little, round, blue bars of hand soap in there.  Plus the establishment itself is something that should be visited at least once a night throughout your stay.br/br/ #3   The Downtown Transit Center on 6th Avenue (Bus Station): Drop off any cocky junior guys in your group and let them hang out here for a couple hours.  They’ll come back scared S!tless and extremely well mannered.  Don’t worry, it’s perfectly safe, there’s on average only one murder there per year and it already happened in 2009.br/br/ #2  No visit would be complete without stopping to see Star (VI)* the Reindeer in her pen by the parkstrip.  Warm and cuddly feelings should abound.  Then walk a few blocks north to a street vender to enjoy a hot, delicious reindeer sausage.br/br/ *(Star II was brutally slaughtered in her pen and butchered on site in the 1980’s by an Alaskan Native from Kotzebue to the utter horror of onlookers.)br/br/ #1 US National Championships:  According to John Farra there are actually going to be ski races in Alaska this year.  If they happen, don’t miss out. br/br//p

Johnny Klister

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