A (drunken) flawless letter from Austria

Johnny KlisterJune 21, 2010

pemJKnote: the letter was received along with four (4) phone interminable phone calls at 1:00AM Austrian time./em/p

pKind Sirs,br/ I  am prefacing this with the fact that I am 1,4l into the haufbrauhaus and my forearms are heavy with exhaustion from squeezing skis.br/br/ We the people feel that the quality of recent posts on johnnyklister have failed to live up to the standard to which we have become accustomed. Specifically, our concerns encompass the prevalence of the so-called “bicycle” and other irrelevant concerns on what should be an incisive ski-focused media outlet.  Therefore, we strongly urge you to immediately take the following remedial action:br/ ein: the discussion of irrelevant, non-Nordic, stupid, or annoying topics will cease immediately.br/ ein comma fumpf: it should be duly noted that inane, asinine, bogus and otherwise offensive material as long as it is directly related to the avocation of cross country ski RACING is strongly encouraged.br/ Svei:we cannot produce point two at this time.br/ Drei: fakefastskier should be returned to service immediately and without delay.br/ Drei comma fumpf: through extensive research we have obtained technology relevant to fakefasterskier and Willing to share said technology.br/ Fier: if suitable content is unavailable, do NOT refer to random occurences such as neo Nazis with a proclivity for large women who have heroin tracks on their arms who you meet on a train.br/ Fumpf: there is no fumph.br/br/ We the people reiterate that these truths are self-evident and cannot repudiated.  JohNnyklister is the best thing to happen to cross country skiing in the last decade and we fully support the snotty, elitist and sarcastic epithets strewn forth. we challenge you kind sirs to hold yourself to the high standard you have set.  We challenge you to post this statement as an example of the pathetic drivel that will no longer sully the Johnny brand.br/br/ Johnny is not afraid.  Johnny will remain silent when there is nothing to be said.  Johnny will crush when you make a mistake in public.  Johnny will call you out and laugh at your stupidity.  Johnny is skiing and Johnny knows who has been bad and who has been good.br/br/ kindest regards,br/br/ Your faithful readership/p
p(names withheld since you already know who this is)/p

Johnny Klister

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